dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
