I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
