she was so not down for the gang bang
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This house was built for laser tag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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