If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
