I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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