i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
