I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
