i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
