i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pants are for mortals
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
