sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am spending my child support on dildos
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
