you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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