Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
