ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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