she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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