I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
