Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
