I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
