ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
