if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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