You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
