Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
