Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
