Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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