Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
