Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
