I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
