not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
