is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
