I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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