I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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