C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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