some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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