u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
