You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My balls are so social today.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
