So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
