If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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