My room smells like vodka and shame
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
