Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
