dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
