I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
