Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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