Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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