they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
