If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
