Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
