I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
