A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
