I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need to align my fucking chakras
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
