Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
