Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
