McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
