Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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