So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
