Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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