They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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